So, I kinda had an "off" day. Well, more like an off hour, because it didn't last the whole day. I'm sitting in my second day of training, preparing for the new school year. We have an awesome presenter with some important stuff to share. I'm surrounded by my wonderful co-workers. And I'm excited about this new year coming up. When I suddenly went into a slump.
It's not the first time it's happened, though, fortunately, this is the first time in about 3 years. I don't even know what triggered it. I've been feeling really good lately, looking forward to a new start in teaching and content with my life. But somehow, in that moment, I felt invisible. All my previous insecurities came crashing down around me. I looked around me and saw everyone sharing their summer stories about their kiddos and significant others. A couple teachers were back after having beautiful babies over the summer. Several mothers-to-be were glowing with the evidence of new life growing with them. And I was alone.
It was the lowest point I'd hit in a while. I struggled to keep a brave face, but I felt like I was sinking. Again. No one knew me, no one cared, and no one needed or wanted me. (Of course, none of this was really true, but I was convinced in the moment.) All I wanted to do was get away, go home, and maybe cry. And I still had another hour of training, plus the rest of the day to work before I could leave. And then Open House later in the evening, where I would get to meet my students and their parents. I was in no condition to be meeting anybody.
I opted out of having lunch with my fellow teachers. I grabbed a quick burger and planted myself at my desk. And I prayed. I could not go back in that hole I lived in for ten plus years. I had found happiness and peace with my life. What was wrong with me? I begged the Lord to please remind me that He was enough. That no man, woman, or child would ever make me happy. I knew this. I just needed some assurance. Some help. Like maybe a rope to help me climb back up again. I don't know where the despair came from, but I knew I didn't want to stay there. And He was the only One who could deliver me.
And you know what? He did.
There was no supernatural light or wind from Heaven. I didn't get a sudden warm, gushy feeling. And I didn't even hear a still, small voice. Nothing like that. But as the hour progressed, I ate my lunch and started working in my classroom. A couple of my teacher friends stopped by my classroom to greet me, since I missed lunch with them. I chatted with my mom on the phone for a few minutes about completely unrelated topics. And after a while, I noticed that the cloud was gone. Completely.
It was a humbling experience, to say the least. I was reminded that I am still human. I glory in what He's accomplished in my life, but there are still bumps in the road. And if those bumps keep me going back to Him for the assurance that He's all I need, than I'm thankful for those bumps.
I guess if there was a "spiritual moment" to get me back on track, it didn't happen until I was on my way home to get ready for Open House. One of my favorite groups, Greater Vision, was singing a song (Written by Rodney Griffin) I'd heard dozens of times. But today, the chorus really stuck with me, especially after the day I'd had. Now, to some, these lyrics may not seem all that remarkable. The words are simple. But they struck a chord.
"He Is To Me (He Is To Me) my Anchor
He Is To Me (He Is To Me) my Rock
He Is To Me my Saviour
In Whom I place my trust
He Is To Me (He Is To Me) my Comfort
He Is To Me (He Is To Me) my Joy
He Is To Me my Master
He Is To Me my Lord"
On a day that I was feeling suddenly alone and very lonely, it uplifted my spirit to be reminded that He is everything I need. He's my Anchor, my Comfort and Joy, my Rock and my Lord.
I hope this post will encourage you in some way. We all have those moments or even those days where we can't find the silver lining. But even in those moments, we can rest assured that He is all we need. And He holds us safe...
In His Grip!
"And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7